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By:
Galina Toktalieva - [women]
Like about anything else, it is important to realize at first, what do you really want. How dating can help you to sustain and fulfil your wishes? Maybe you don't know, what you actually want. Perhaps you visit numerous free dating sites and then make appointments, because you are simply bored. Anybody can get rid of boredom by being traumatized. Make ABC test, before start floating to the next disappointing object in the string of dates. Affair or permanent relationship? Verification of sex appeal and adding up collection with exciting novelties, or desperate striving for romantic partner? Almost all that expects us depends on our own choices and priorities. When we articulate, what we want and we are somehow persistent in our verbalised wishes, we create our own realities and magnetically attract suitable individuals in our life. If it is true, why then the heroes of our aspirations, the knights at the white horses, never hurry to materialise? The thread of competitors is ridicule, all these Martians offer you the same with inevitability of well programmed mechanisms. Our e-mail boxes are swollen up with penis enlargement spam and copied 5-lines messages of fun-seekers. Why the frantic appeal and meek plead stay unanswered? May be because creating of new realities is the process. Process with two sides movement and drop-by-drop changeability: transforming of world and of your Self. There are never instant miracles and over-night results. Patience is keyword. Every new meeting and encounter helps us to check up and correct the ways to main goal, refine the search and clarify inner wisdom of our authentic vital need. It seems, Universe fulfils only most passionate and genuine wishes. Day after day swirling in the stream of new meetings , you will discover, that others have their own aspirations, which seem to be never in accord with yours. Now and then you will be prickled by the bitter thought, that nobody in this world can give you what you want. Only one-two divine sparks. Only crumbs of gold. Never complete and total satisfaction. Persuade yourself to be wisely satisfied with small things. We collect our happiness like the bee collects honey from the dozen of flowerbeds. Don't forget, that men are humans too, who seek, suffer and create illusive non-realities, as you do. They can use high style and poetic metaphors, or proclaim their needs in general terms of love and understanding, as majority of us do. But what is love, concerning yours or his concrete situation? We often use this word as container for different things, as the Pandorra box for God knows what. For you, perhaps, love is synonym of care, and for him it can be - o, dear - equivalent of whipping or something, that gives highest erotic pleasure, or search for parental protection, or temptation to protect and control. If you are spontaneous and irrational, overwhelmed with contradicting emotions, the appreciation of primary goals will help you to become more efficient and save your time. When you point out, that permanent and temporary relationship are both welcome, try to understand what makes both modes acceptable. Perhaps, there are external obscurities that you subconsciously hope to release or compensate with the new infatuation. Be consequent and brave in examination of your stripped wishes. All what we experience is reasoned after all. Dating often has tendency to be prolonged and looks like a track, where zigzag movement is reward by itself. According to statistics, women seldom wish only pure physical disclosure in dating, what opposite gender seekers in the midst of their testosterone storm seem never properly to understand. In the meantime practical female creature can have a few motives combined. She may miss romantic walks in the moonlight and at the same time new connections in business, where fellow circulates. She may have not more than mere hope to be invited to the new restaurant, to find dance partner for this evening or simply has illogical impulses and emotional issues of PMS. What is direct consequence of successful dating? And how to measure this success? Emotional expression and true sign of significant accomplishment is the feeling of satisfaction. Do you feel something like that? Dating may give or not give you the moments of joy and awareness of unpredictable generosity of life. The tactics are terminated by strategy. If you intend to support long lasting relationship, probably you will realize soon, that dating agencies don't provide the most effective way to find reliable partner, unless you manage to convert virtual constructions in something plausible. And if you seek soul mate, it would be premature to put on extremely short skirt or hat with feathers at your first meeting in caf . If your dating is originated by cyber world, preliminary correspondence and telephone calls are worthwhile. Any shady or pretentious data, produced by him to impress you, such as ownership of luxuries villas and prosperous firms on advertising of contraception in Zimbabwe, and also the lack of punctuality from his side, the strange tune of voice and anything, that can cause the feeling of discomfort and insecurity - must be forgotten and not bother you more than the trash and foam brought to your feet by the sea tide. Always better to put on something simple, but elegant and provocative in discreet way. Let him and the outer world become aware of your genuine charm not attracting the attention of wide audience with eccentric outfit. Confess, we are too often particular about molecular imperfection of our make-up and tint of our stockings - too particular about details, which for our manly spectator remain unnoticed or bizarre. It seems, their sensitivity has other spectrum and wave length, orientated at woman's general appearance and her inner energetic state, connected with sex appeal. Normally they notice the fashion of lady's dress, only if it designed to reveal her sexuality. The exaggerated preliminary fuss about appearance will definitely help you about one thing: it will change your feelings of self. This new image of self with dramatic mask of make-up and inner feeling of fatal female seductiveness men will catch immediately in your presence. When you are going hastily to the meeting point at the square under the big clock, nervously losing gloves, keys and breaking the zip of your new bag, that does not work, distract your attention at the previous meeting, trying to reduce the tension of moment. After hand shake and first feeling of disappointment, that is inevitable, relax and take your time. Enjoy yourself and your drink, the marvellous view from terrace. Listen to him and to your feelings. Men don't consider excessive compliments and promises to be amoral, when they court or want to win express attestation of their masculinity. Don't take anything too serious, it is not worthy to do, seriousness often means concentration of big quantities of anxiety violet energy at one small spot, followed by general disharmony. Simply mind, that all these premature bouquets of assurances are only hyperbolic pieces of traditional manly peacock dance in ancient intersexual performance. Paradox is, that being comparatively free of attachment and expectations, you will mysteriously easy conquer his sympathies. Inner independence has the quality of radiance and magnetism. Coming back to the experiences of your grandmothers, who lived in bipolar world of long skirts and manhood and knew more of tricks being passive, cool and adored, you better don't call him first or even lose the scrap of paper with his telephone number. If you pursue the creature, who was designed by nature to pursue others, he will retreat and eventually escape. Keeping distance is natural, if you want to prolong performance far beyond the limits of one-night stand, but playing Ice Queen should have certain underlay of hell-hot promise, especially if you process the type who doesn't like ice-cream. What about your perfect female intuition; this miraculous instant perception. Catch your impressions, these quick and sliding, snaky knowing, combined of hundred sensations. You unmistakably know, who lies and who really care, you feel it with your skin. It is always meaningful to practise touch. You can touch reserved and shy person at the shoulder, as if by chance, or you can even pretend brushing off non-existing dust speck from his sleeve, when you are sitting tete-a-tete in cafe. Touch is crucial, not so much of erotic as of trust meaning. And try to hear him! It is shortest way to conquer anybody's heart. Listening is not that easy, but as every effort, it is rewarding. Meanwhile you can identify his weak and strong sides, know something of his history, containing script of future relationships, and recognise what he inherently wants: maybe better than he knows this himself. And nobody can say for sure how certain relationship will develop, isn't it. Men like to talk and to teach us how to do things - this they need most. Be patient. The truth is that dating is more of work than of fun, the work of knowing and understanding other being, who could be rather complicated. Instant romance, followed by physical closeness, very often make both, but especially the woman, emotionally dependent and vulnerable. You can surrender, and then you will wait for telephone call with sinking heart. And telephone would not ring. You can capitulate, if you admit the probable prospect of not seeing man again. Let him chase you. Let him deserve your disposition. If it is important to keep the balance, don't be unapproachable. The man and woman never want the same. But they always want something from each other, and this is relationship. Give him the chance. Try to see the fellow being in him - who could be your closest friend - and who could be understood and accepted, as your beloved were unconditionally accepted by you.
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