myResolutions

By: Bob Pladek - [self]

It's the time for publicly making promises that won't be kept.

Once a year we trade the guilt for what we have done for that which we will not do. (If you're Jewish, you do this about 10 times a day.) The exercise provides a nice sort of balance to our lives.

You get a clearer understanding of people by reviewing their broken commitments than by examining their accomplishments. Failure is always more revealing than success. Keeping any NYR usually means the resolution is unimportant, easy to achieve, and/or dumb to begin with. Take me, for instance: I no longer write really LONG boring columns; take myself seriously, or practice voodooism. Or trumpet. Or humility. NYR's I haven't kept include smoking, becoming rich, working out, getting a professional haircut, cleaning out the basement, reading a book... any book... practising guitar, writing mildly humorous columns, not inventing excuses not to go to church.

Commitment-keepers are poor companions at football games. Those who don't keep them are usually a lot of fun. (I shudder to think of the person I would be if I had kept them all... for some reason, my wife just shakes her head at the same thought.) There are dangers in keeping them: the non-keepers understand this.

The non-smoker becomes a completely intolerant pain in the ass, instead of just being a stinky. The alcoholic finds himself saying "Thanks for Sharing" to the Clown Head at McDonalds. The self-assured, intolerant insolent becomes an associate manager in the Underwriting Department at the 37th largest property/casualty insurer in Wisconsin.

And likes it.

Still, there are some commitments that should be made, and should be kept, not making any being of course the most obvious example. But THAT seems (even to me) a pretty cheap out. And I'm not sure I can ever be committed to not having fun, or wasting time. And life doesn't allow you to commit to ALWAYS having fun, or always wasting time, because no matter how hard you don't try, you're going to find yourself laughing and taking out the garbage. That's life.

The nub of the problem is this: somewhere along the way commitments developed this "all or nothing at all" feature that makes them extremely unlikeable, and exceptionally unattainable. MyRecommendation here is to introduce to New Years the "partial commitment (pc)"; qualified commitment; semi-commitment; commitment with a twist. This concept is already fully embraced in business; protects the jobs of thousands of coaches and players; provides the essential foundation for the legal system, and hence the need for all those essential lawyers; is behind the grade "C"; lead to the establishment of the Reading Symphony Orchestra; gave birth to the Ford, Firestone tires, and M+Ms that don't have M+M printed on them; got the pretty girl speeder off with a warning; provided enough lifeboats for SOME of the Titanic's passengers; supports daytime, and nighttime, television; is the genius behind all-natural insect repellant; built Acme Foods; pays for the annual Casio Executive Outing at the public golf course; ensures that it doesn't matter if a Democrat or Republican gets elected to anything, and manages to allow U.S. News and World Report to survive. In other words, being half-assed is the plastic fulcrum of modern life.

Therefore, and with reasonable thought aforethought, I proudly announce my 11 pcs for the coming year:

I will see a bunch of movies, some good, some bad; I will be nice to my children, and my wife, a good deal of the time; I will eat all the right foods inbetween my ingestion of all the wrong ones; I will try to give up smoking; I will try to give up smoking; I will drink less coffee than I want to drink; I will change my clothes; I will not often call the 900 number to ask for help on the NYT crossword puzzle; I will either write my pcs down, or try to remember them; I will have 11 pcs because while 10 is a better number, I will, no doubt forget one; I will change that lightbulb. I realize these don't sound like much. But think about even some progress in all of them. You get:

A guy who gets to see some good movies; A pretty nice guy; Someone showing concern with his diet; Someone who knows smoking is bad; Someone who knows smoking is REALLY bad; A guy who realizes that drinking too much coffee is a resolution that if not met still means he wasn't drinking anything else; Concern for personal hygiene; A patient person, unobsessed with completion; Some diligence; Some self-awareness; Less stumbling into the furniture. That's a pretty good year, dontcha think?

Bob Pladek has been in big business, little business, and many businesses inbetween. A lawyer with acquisition, marketing, and PR experience, he is a published humorist, cartoonist and folk singer. He lives with his wife of 25 years, two smart daughters, and too many animals. Bob is the Bill Allen of http://www.myDeas.com Or the other way around.

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